An Underwhelming Sense of Frailty
by Yosuke
Summary: The relationship between Soul Eater and Maka takes a turn for the worse when Soul begins to experience horrifying dreams with foreboding images of Maka's death... with Soul as her killer. But are these dreams as bad as they seem? Rated for language.


An Underwhelming Sense of Frailty  
>Yosuke<p>

AN: Jinkies, a Soul Eater fanfic? No way, yarr way. I had been rewatching some early episodes of the series and a conversation between Soul and Maka caught my attention thoroughly. You may be able to pinpoint what episode and what conversation I may be talking about once you start to read the story, so happy guessing!

As a note, I'd like to elaborate on Soul's narrative before you start the story. When you watch a few episodes of Soul Eater, you're under the impression that Soul is a slacker student and tries to get by on wit and brute force. However, I've always thought Soul to be a bit more intelligent than that, a little more sophisticated, though he never really shows it. Perhaps it's the piano? Haha, I guess so. He strikes me as someone who could be really sophisticated if need be, therefore I'm strongly under the impression that his inner dialogue would sound much smarter than this outer dialogue. It's just a guess, though, so because of that, this is how I'm writing the story.

Soul Eater not mine.

* * *

><p>There was a particularly dirty feeling deep down in my gut that was making it almost unbearable to be conscious at that moment. Seriously. It was almost painful, like that horrible throbbing feeling you get after being socked in the stomach really hard. Sometimes the wind even left my lungs and I was left in this totally uncool state of... dumbfounded-ness. I hate being perplexed, and I hate being speechless, but most of all, I hate being all poetic about the pain I was in.<p>

Screw that, I think I'll be a little more forward. It hurt. A lot. Not just in my gut, but all the way up into the muscles of my arms, so much so that it made it difficult to sustain my strength when I was in my other state as a scythe. Maka never seemed to notice, which was a godsend, 'cause the last thing I needed was her blubbering like a baby over whatever injury I had this time. Don't get me wrong, she's a sweet girl, and I appreciate the concern she shows me when I'm injured or whatever, but sometimes it just becomes more of a burden to shoulder someone else's pain. I already had my own problems, I didn't need hers as well. Okay, that was a little coldhearted. She had a big heart, she could use a little help carrying it every now and then...

But back to my selfishness, please. I can't really remember exactly when I had first noticed this sick feeling inside me. It may have been during one of the teacher's lectures at school. It was so droll, I (as usual) had little interest in participating, and was finding much greater amusement in Black Star's grand attempt to perfect his future legendary battles with God via a stick figure flip-book. Maka had been casting sideways glances at him constantly, aggravation clear on her face and the eventual soft sigh of defeat when she realized nothing would get through to him. I think I had caught her eyes then when she tried to gauge my reaction to the other student's antics. Her green eyes, tired and uncaring, glimpsed at me briefly, and for a split second, I had a lapse in reality. I'm not sure why, I can't even think of what may have triggered this thought, but for the moment I locked eyes with her, all I could see was her soul.

Yes, this is where the unsettled feeling in my stomach started, because this eye contact, this brief glimpse at her raw spirit, left me deeply disturbed and, for some reason, unhappy. I don't think it was the actual manifestation of her soul in my eyes that was bothering me, but perhaps the residual feeling afterwards, like when you see something at the store that you really want to buy, and later you have mixed feelings of wanting it so badly but at the same time you feel guilty for desiring something you don't think you need.

So was that it? This feeling was just guilt and desire wrapped up in one ugly little package? How pathetic. Totally uncool. I couldn't think these things. I had enough to worry about, and so did Maka, hence why I would never bring this up with her. That's right, I should just forget it. Pretend it didn't happen.

If only sheer willpower worked that well for everyone. It seemed the more I willed myself not to remember her honest and upset eyes glimpsing at me in the classroom, the more my mind shoveled doubt into my head until I felt I was buried. I woke up in the mornings out of breath and sweating. Sometimes the twisted feeling in my stomach jerked me right out of the deepest stage of sleep, and I had to tear out of bed to get to the bathroom before I vomited all over the floor. This horrible feeling felt like it was killing me from the inside out. I literally felt like I was rotting, because something about me felt so rotten.

Maka seemed to notice I was changing a little, though this change wasn't intentional. I was tired from losing sleep, and cranky. I tried not to snap at her, but she noticed I wasn't making any jokes or being anywhere nearly as lively as I usually was around her. And then, for some reason I couldn't fathom at the time, the twisting feeling in my gut told me to stay the hell away from her, like she had somehow become very dangerous to me. I didn't like this at all; this girl was my best friend and my meister. I couldn't _not_ be around her. So I stayed by her, but I kept my distance, if that makes any sense at all. In class, I scooted a few inches further away from her, and when we walked home together, I stayed a couple steps behind.

Maka's a perceptive girl. She noticed all this right away, and I could constantly see the internal debate as she struggled to bring herself to ask me what was wrong. She only asked once, and I regrettably snapped at her. Of course, she looked hurt, and a little angry, and even told me off a little, but she respected my sudden need for space and didn't pressure me further for answers.

This caused a few problems in battles with Kishin. Our soul wavelengths were so out of whack, it was almost comical how we fought. We won all but one battle. The last one was intercepted by Kid when he stumbled upon the scene of Maka's ass getting handed to her by the Kishin and my bruised body lying gracelessly on the pavement. I hadn't been able to keep up my weapon form any longer, but not because I had become weak. When I was in weapon form and Maka had a hold on me, there was a connection, as there was with any meister and weapon. She could feel my presence in the metal, feel my soul, and sometimes feel my brainwaves, like what I was feeling in return or if I was in pain. No, she couldn't read my mind (thank god), but she knew something was wrong right from the get-go. I wasn't as responsive as I normally was, and my scythe-state became unstable and less rigid. Pieces of me were actually bending, which is hard to accomplish for solid steel.

I'd had to disconnect us; I just couldn't handle her feeling my soul any longer, even if it meant we'd get a little beat-up. I figured I'd be able to attack the Kishin on my own, but that didn't go over so well, as aforementioned, and in the end, Death the Kid was there to save us. Whoop-de-doo.

Liz took the Kishin egg that time, and the three of them bid us a safe night and headed home. Maka, understandably, said nothing to me, though her tense state didn't scream out "I'm so angry at you, you moron!". That was a surprise. I kind of _wanted_ her to be mad at me, but I guess she had figured it was something much deeper than some mood swings I might have been having. For me to disrupt a fight and place us both in such danger... something really big was happening here.

We headed home afterwards, both too tired and embarrassed to go to a doctor. It was just bruises, after all. We'd heal fine.

Maka went straight to bed, barricading herself in her bedroom without so much as a single word. I complied with this strategy and retired myself, curling into the sheets of my bed and trying to let sleep take hold of me.

This was a mistake, for beyond the seam of reality and drowsiness was nightmares. I'd had bad dreams before, but none like this. Nightmares usually consisted of me being hunted by some ugly monster, or trying to escape a burning building, or even watching the beady eyes of the red imp as he goaded me on to do this or that...

I'd never had a dream where I killed Maka.

And the worst part was that I couldn't simply wake up from this dream like I had so many others. I was locked in this nightmare, which was quickly becoming more of a night terror. In this dream, my arm beheld my blade, and I slashed three times, viciously, into Maka's dumbstruck form. And from her bleeding body produced an aura of familiar light, and there was her soul, hanging patiently in the air, so welcoming to me and yet so terrifying. It was brilliant in its state, and this deep, warm and tingling feeling bled up from my stomach and to my mouth.

No, I wasn't going to... was I?

Past my own inhibitions, my arm reached out to take hold of the strong soul, and where I would've expected to feel it trying to escape like a mouse caught in a trap, I felt nothing but deep relaxation and trust. Maka was still there, and she still trusted me.

I couldn't do this... I can't do this!

My arm curled up, delivering the soul of my former-technician to my mouth.

No! Anything but this! Please!

The moment I sucked the soul into my mouth, I awoke from the dream. I hate to say it, but I was terrified. The twisted feeling in my stomach was back and making me feel even more sick. I plastered my hand over my mouth to try and hold it in, but it was too sudden, and I dropped to the floor on my knees, vomiting onto the carpet. To say the least, I'm glad it happened at ten o'clock that morning instead of any earlier when I knew Maka might still be around, trying to wake me up so I wouldn't be late to school. Thankfully, my partner had taken off already, resigned to the fact that I was just catching up on some much-needed sleep. I found the note on my nightstand.

_Soul,_

_ I couldn't wake you up this morning, so I figured you must be exhausted from losing so much sleep. Don't worry about school, I'll let the teachers know you won't be coming in today. Stay well rested and drink plenty of fluids. Don't overdo it. Please._

_ Maka_

I grumbled a little to myself as I tossed the paper back onto the stand and carefully climbed to my feet. My head felt woozy and my stomach was in knots, not to mention my mouth was surprisingly dry after heaving that much. Speaking of which... I looked down at the mess I had made and sighed, stretching my arms weakly above my head as I ventured out into the kitchen to find the stuff under the sink that took stains out of carpets.

To say it was an awkward moment would be a slight understatement. The very first step she took through the door later that afternoon, my skin started to crawl, like when a cat notices another feral cat walking too close. Maka sensed it, too, and looked at me apprehensively, though her green eyes were wide with concern as well. She hung her coat up by the door and approached me once she deemed it safe to do so.

"Soul? Are you okay? Do you feel sick?"

At the risk of lashing out at her again, I jerked away from her oncoming sympathetic hand and about-faced towards my bedroom, sealing myself inside. Dammit, why was I being such a jerk? Because of the sick feeling in my stomach? Because of my embarrassment of oversleeping? Or because... of the dream?

The visuals suddenly haunted my eyes once more, and I clutched my head as if that would somehow ease the pain. I couldn't believe I had killed Maka, even in my dream. Honestly, it had felt no more real than any other dream. There was that obvious state of separation, where you knew your body and your mind weren't actually doing the same thing, and your perspective of everything that was happening in the nightmare was slightly off from an actual first-person point-of-view.

But the feeling in my mouth had felt real. I'd known that just before I had jerked out of the dream. I felt her soul, warm and happy, sliding between my teeth. And it had felt amazing.

Maka had asked me once, sometime ago, what souls tasted like. Kishin souls never really had a taste, as I had told her, but the feeling in my throat when I consumed them could hardly be depicted in loose words like "amazing" and "sensational". Even I, at this moment, cannot properly explain how it feels to consume a soul. All I can say is that it leaves me feeling spent every time, like I'd just finished getting the most incredible shoulder massage I'd ever had. My mouth and my throat tingled afterwards, and part of me hungered greatly for another soul to chase it down like I was consuming mixed drinks rather than dead evil spirits. I could always feel the Kishin soul hit the pit of my stomach, and I compare it to the feeling of eating the best meal of your life without the groggy after effects and cramped muscles from eating too damn much.

That was what eating a Kishin soul felt like. Never had I ventured a guess as to what eating a human soul would feel like. And now I knew, because of that goddamn dream.

It wouldn't leave my head. Endlessly playing again and again were the visions of myself killing my meister, and again and again I felt her soul in my mouth. The feeling was much like when I consume a Kishin egg... except the sensations were, at the least, twenty-fold. It was far more amazing than the souls I had become accustomed to consuming, like I had spent my whole life eating shitty generic brand chocolate and finally tried gourmet chocolate reserved for royalty. And now that my mind alone had tried this finer taste, my body desired viciously to follow through as well.

I jerked upright in my bed, perspiration dotting my face. I wasn't... actually thinking of trying a human soul, was I? Not even hypothetically? This was very bad.

My first instinct told me to talk to someone, to ask one of the weapon-specialist teachers at the school to see if perhaps they had come across similar experiences. Surely, I couldn't be the only one to ever let this thought cross my mind, right? Well, of course I wasn't. Everyone else who had had this thought had a special name: KISHIN!

I plopped back down against my pillow and covered my face with my hands, sighing loudly. Maybe I had finally been defeated. I'd spent the past several days avoiding Maka and treating her like _she_ was the one with the disease. Maybe it was time to finally approach this matter head-on and see what help she could offer. Of course, I wouldn't tell her I was considering eating her soul... That little information I'm sure she could do without.

Out of my bed I slid and down the hallway I crept until I was pushing open Maka's bedroom door slowly and silently. As expected, the blonde was curled under the sheets, sound asleep. Well, nice to know _one of us_ was getting their rest...

I approached her quietly, unsure of why I felt the need to remain silent if I intended to wake her up anyway. As I neared her, I suddenly lost my nerve and backed down from the idea. It's not like I thought she would ridicule me for bringing up the issue. Maka had always been an understanding person, and quite open-minded. She was the last person I ever expected to shun me for something I couldn't control. But she would definitely feel uncomfortable. I mean, I was talking about eating the soul of my best friend. Even if I had no intention of carrying out that ludicrous thought, just the suggestion of it alone could irreparably damage our relationship, and that was something I just couldn't afford right then.

My pulse pounded mercilessly under my skin, as if I was readying myself to go through with the idea of... eating her. I felt the air in the room get thicker, and my sight started to double. There was that knotted feeling in my stomach... I was gonna be sick again. I hated this. Wiping the side of my face with my sleeve, I turned quickly and started to leave the room, but Maka's sleepy voice called after me.

"Soul? What are you doing?"

I stopped dead in my tracks, like I'd been caught doing something I shouldn't have. True, we respected each others privacy and rarely entered each others rooms, but it certainly wasn't forbidden. I guess she was just surprised by my presence at that time. It was night and she had been asleep. I should have had no reason to be in there right then.

I turned slowly, glimpsing at her from over my shoulder. "H-Hey..."

"Did you need something?" she asked softly as if the sound of her voice would somehow disturb the rest of the city in its nocturnal state. I wasn't quite sure how to answer, though I knew I could come up with something clever if I just had enough time to think about it. Gotta stall...

"Just... Just checking to see if you were asleep yet."

She clearly didn't buy that answer, rubbing her drooping eyes and sitting up. The top of the comforter she slept under fell to her lap, revealing the baggy nightshirt she wore. I had to say, I was glad Maka wasn't one of those prissy attention-whores society today had become so used to. I could always trust Maka would be decent and wear something practical, even to bed. Had she been any different, we could've found ourselves in a very different situation with me staring at an almost-exposed (yet severely underdeveloped) chest and Maka none the wiser in her bleary-eyed condition.

"Soul... What's wrong?"

I doubted she was asking about my awkward intrusion into her room. I'd been treating her like crap for a while, and it was about time she got some answers, though this didn't really seem to be the best situation for an interrogation. I wondered if I could weasel my way out of it...

"Nothing," I replied lamely. "Just a lot on my mind lately."

"Is that why you've been such an ass lately?"

I jerked visibly. It was rare for her to use language like that. She was pretty pissed, though it wasn't apparent on her sleepy face. Finally, after a moment of indecision, I shrugged a little. "I'm not trying to be an ass..."

"Well, you are. And it's upsetting. Just tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help." Lazily, she kicked the sheets away from her and slid to the end of her bed, staring up at me contently. I wasn't sure how to react. I still had my back to her, glimpsing at her from over my shoulder every now and then as if that somehow properly substituted for legitimate eye contact.

"I don't think it's anything you can help me with." Damn, I could feel my temperature rising again, and it wasn't out of embarrassment. It was the feeling of my stomach churning, of the strange and foreign hunger rising in me. It felt like I was stuck in another nightmare and having the utmost trouble trying to get out of it. Maka was trapping me in something. I needed to get out. "Really, it's fine. Don't worry about it. It's... It's guy stuff. You can't help. I'll talk to a teacher tomorrow."

"Soul!" Maka called after me, rising quickly with reflexes that had come with her technician training, and quickly latched onto my arm before I could bolt. I peaked over my shoulder at her again. She looked concerned. Far beyond it, really. She almost looked scared for me. Damn girl could see right into my soul, of course she knew something was wrong. But I needed to escape now before my thoughts took me too far. My hunger was rising viciously, and the air in the room was getting to be sweltering. If she didn't back off soon...

I yanked my arm from her grasp and glared daggers at her in hopes to scare her off. She seemed intimidated. "Back off, Maka. I can handle this on my own. I don't need you to hold my hand like a child."

"Soul, stop it!" She grabbed my arm again, pulling me slightly. "Stop acting like this! Whatever is wrong, let's work it out! If it's something I did..."

"You didn't..." I started but stopped, realizing that I couldn't provide a sufficient argument to prove she wasn't at fault for this. "Can we just talk about this another time? I'm sleepy."

"Like hell you are, Soul. Why were in here to begin with?"

"I don't... I don't know..."

"Yes, you do!" Finally, Maka yanked me around to face her, grabbing my shoulders and staring directly into my red eyes. "You came in here to talk to me, but once you saw I was asleep, you changed your mind. Well, I'm up now, so let's talk!"

"Stop acting like you're my freaking wife, Maka! You're getting annoying!"

"I'll be as annoying as I have to! Whatever gets you to open up to me about what's wrong!"

"Maka, I said back off!"

"No!"

I don't know what I was thinking when I did what I did next. I wasn't usually this assertive with her, and certainly never this physical. I couldn't even imagine how much damage I was causing to our partnership, and our relationship. But what was done was done, and I was pretty sure it was my fault.

I pushed Maka, and pretty roughly. I don't know why she didn't see it coming, being as skilled a fighter as she was. Perhaps she let it happen just to see what it would lead to, if there would be any positive outcome afterwards. I certainly didn't see that happening; I was only digging my own grave. As she sailed backwards, the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed and she collapsed onto it, falling onto her back. Unharmed but a little dazed, she struggled to prop herself up onto her elbows, but I stopped her. Again, I can't really fathom why I was doing this. It wasn't productive in the least. It was only damaging to us. I partially climbed on her, pinning her arms down and pushing a leg up in between hers to hopefully dissuade her from trying to find any balance in sitting up.

To be honest, I wasn't sure where this would lead. I can't really say I've ever had any sexual ambition to "conquer" Maka, so to speak, but anyone who might walk in on this scene would happily argue otherwise. I indeed appeared to be attempting to rape Miss Albarn. Hell, even I thought I was about to rape her. I wouldn't, of course, 'cause that shit just isn't cool.

But I'm not sure what my body was telling me. The deep, primal hunger in me that had been causing my stomach to twist itself into knots for the past several days was directing me at that moment, deaf to what my mind was screaming. If I wasn't careful, I was going to cross a very dangerous, and suddenly very obscure, line.

My body won out in the end, and for some reason I still can't comprehend to this day, I bit Maka. Strange, I know. She seemed freaked by it, and I can't say I blame here. One would expect, me being desperate to eat a human soul, that I would have bitten her on the neck in some classical, stereotypical beastly way. Nay, I bit her arm. Still a little stereotypical, but a little less lame. My teeth were naturally sharp, all of them, which a lot of people had found strange, but considering I was a demon weapon, everyone usually just turned a blind eye to it. I personally found the look pretty awesome, but right then I was practically wishing I was toothless. I was hurting Maka, and I hated it.

Maka didn't scream, she only cried out a little from shock. I doubted she'd admit to the pain, but when blood started to ooze out from the wounds, I felt compelled to demand she scream. Part of me wondered if I wanted her to scream just to ease her pain or because my beastly body wanted to hear her in such pain.

I gnawed, never releasing her from my grasp, and feeling surprised that she never once struggled. Perhaps she'd deduced that struggling would make the wound worse. Either way, it was getting more and more painful for her, as my jaw strength increased. The pulse in my own body was nearly deafening, throbbing viciously behind my skin and causing the edges of my vision to fade into black. I couldn't believe I was slipping into tunnel vision, like an angry animal in a fight. My body was mad, but my mind was screaming for my body to stop. I didn't want to hurt Maka!

I think Maka had figured out a long while ago that I wasn't myself (though I'm sure anyone could've figured that out, even dumbass Black Star). She didn't look particularly angry with me, or even scared for that matter. Of course she wasn't scared; this girl had seen crueler, more terrifying things in her life, things she'd fought and killed. I doubted little old me was gonna cause her to go running scared. She never pushed me, or yelled at me to stop. She only lay there with an unreadable expression on her face, like she was trying to figure out what was going on. I wanted her to yell at me, to get angry. It wasn't fair how easy she was letting me get off with this whole thing.

The small drops of blood from under my teeth wet my lips, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe. I almost felt for a moment that I could taste her soul and not her blood. Perhaps they tasted the same? Or did Maka's soul even have any taste to it? A Kishin soul had no taste... Perhaps a human's would?

It was several moments later before I released her arm, but not her body, and sat up, staring down into her unmoving, shaken green eyes. My tunnel vision was still there, and my skin was on fire. I worried, momentarily, that I would end up getting sick on her. I was already embarrassed enough, I didn't need that, too.

"Soul..."

For a brief moment, I couldn't figure out if that had been her voice or mine. The noise was slurred in my ears; I couldn't even decipher its pitch. But when I focused on Maka's face, I could see her lips moving.

"Soul... Is it my soul you're after?"

The question almost startled me back into lucidity. She had nailed it right on the head. She was either far more perceptive than I thought or I was insanely obvious in my intentions.

"Soul, are you going to try to kill me?"

I think my body panicked for a moment. I could feel the muscles in my arm twitch, tensing up to move and grab her neck, to strangle her, but I didn't allow it. I knew I would end up hurting her a little, but I was hellbent on keeping her alive, no matter how much my hungry body disagreed. "M... Maka..." was all I managed to choke out as I leaned back a little. Her eyes held sympathy, trying to understand what I was going through. This girl was too kind for her own good. Didn't she realize that by now?

"Is this what's been making you so upset lately? You've been wanting to eat my soul?"

"I... I don't know what's wrong with me..." It sounded like a snarl when it came out, and I was glad that was all it was, 'cause I really wanted to yell. A lot.

"Soul... If you had told me before... maybe I could've helped you. We could've talked about it, found some solution together... But..." Her eyes were sad. "You just wanted to keep it from me..."

"What was I supposed to say?" I hissed, my body shaking uncontrollably. "Was I supposed to tell you that I wanted to kill you? Would that have made you happy? Would you have been able to come up with some solution then?"

"You wouldn't have had to bear it all alone. Instead, you felt obligated to isolate me from this matter the whole time. I could've found help for you. I'm sure a teacher at the school could-"

"Could what? Label me a threat?" I wasn't sure where this logic had come from; I'd never been concerned with this before. My body really did have a mind of its own right then. "Any teacher in their right mind would go straight to Lord Shinigami about this! I'd be destroyed before I'd even have a chance to explain myself!"

"Then explain yourself now, goddammit!" Maka practically screamed. "Why do you want to eat my soul?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" And before I could comprehend what I was doing, I threw myself down and buried my face into her neck. I could tell by the way she tensed that she was ready to feel me bite her throat, tear her open and dig out what I wanted. But to her surprise, and my own, I didn't. I simply lay there on top of her, my face pressed against the side of her neck, listening intently to her pulse beat lightly and rapidly under her skin. I don't know if I was breathing, but I didn't really care. Part of me really wanted to die right then. "I don't know... I don't know, I really don't know..."

"...Soul..."

"It's..." I struggled to find the right words. "There's something inside me... It feels like a monster... I see you... _It_ sees you... and all I can think about is killing you and eating your soul... It came out of nowhere, and I've barely been able to control it..." I closed my eyes, digging my fingers into the bedsheets to keep them from digging into her skin. "I feel like my mind is separated from my body. It gets hard to breathe, and I feel sick to my stomach... I'm going crazy, Maka..."

"Soul..." she barely breathed out, and I could tell from the small movements of her arms against the bed that she was debating touching me. I couldn't blame her; I wouldn't touch me. I wouldn't even stay in the same room with me. I wished she would hit me or something...

Despite this apparent momentary regain of self-awareness, something I was having less and less control over throughout the week, I could quickly feel myself withdrawing back into the skin of a monster. I had to get out of there, or else I was really going to hurt Maka this time.

I started to sit up, taking most of my weight off of Maka, and when I thought to slide off of the bed, I felt myself stop. Maka had grabbed my forearm, holding me in place, though rather weakly. Her eyes were full of sympathy, something I had expected right from the beginning, but didn't deserve. "Soul, you can't just keep holing yourself up in your room. This is a big problem and you need to do something about it."

"Like what?" I growled, barely aware that I was speaking at all.

"Soul..." she breathed. "Why me? Why my soul?"

I fell silent for a moment, unsure of how to answer. Why her? Why was it that I only wanted Maka's soul? Because I knew her better than anyone else? Because I'd seen what kind of spirit she had, and it somehow appealed to my senses? Because, perhaps, part of me felt sure that if it ever came down to it, I felt I was adequate enough in my skills that I could kill her?

I remembered it had all started when I looked into her eyes during class sometime ago. What had struck me about her then that made me want her like this? What about her soul had I seen that I liked so much? I mulled it over in my head, but nothing came up.

"Would any other soul do?" she asked quietly. "Would you be satisfied eating another person's soul other than mine?"

I don't know why, but the question came off as completely audacious. Someone else's soul? Absolutely not. No one else's would do. It had to be Maka's. I had to... I had to have Maka's... soul...

I stopped pulling back against her hand that was still holding me down. I felt weak. I felt pathetic. I felt desperate. More than anything, I felt repulsive.

"No..." I breathed out, lowering my face though I knew she could still see it from the angle she was at beneath me. "No one else... No one else... It has to be you..." Normally, I'd have been mortified by the position I'd been put into. This was practically a love confession. But I just couldn't find it in me to care at that moment. "It's your soul, Maka. Just yours..."

Thankfully, Maka didn't seem weirded out by this "confession". The sympathy in her eyes was still there, her face and posture completely calm as if she was used to being straddled like this. I doubted that was the case, but rather she just trusted me. She trusted me too much. I couldn't believe she had humored the idea of me eating her soul...

"So why me?"

"I don't know..." How pathetic did I look to her right then? How miserable and weak was I in her eyes? Maybe she would consider that I wasn't a fitting partner anymore. Not only had I confessed to a need to kill her, but I was getting overly-emotional about it. Who would want to tag along with someone like that?

"Soul, stop beating yourself up about this."

I jerked up, caught off-guard by the command. I guess the emotions running through my head had reflected pretty easily on my face. She knew I was torturing myself over this whole mess. Dammit, if only I hadn't come into her room. If only I'd kept avoiding the issue. None of this horrible confrontation would have happened. I'd have rathered Maka think I hate her than have her _know_ I wanted to hurt her.

"I can see how much this is hurting you, and I understand, Soul. Stop trying to suffer through this alone. I know this is killing you inside, but it doesn't have to if you just stop and try to figure it all out instead of letting it rage around inside you without acknowledging it." Maka sat up a little, propping herself up onto her elbows so she could see my face more clearly. "I'll help you, Soul. Let me help you. Tell me, what is it that you need?"

"You," I let slip out before I could stop it, then immediately winced at the mistake. Damn, how dramatic could I get?

Despite the insane request, Maka's eyes had understanding in them, but she didn't smile, though I don't think it was out of disgust. "That's not good enough, Soul, and you know it. You can't kill me, you won't hurt me anymore, and there's no other way for you to have my soul. So... what do you need?"

"...You..."

Maka seemed confused then.

"You... I just need you..."

And then it struck me so suddenly that I felt myself retract from the impulse. I don't think my mind had completely returned to my body yet. The "monster" in me, so to speak, was still there and usurping my mouth so it could say what it wanted. It sounded like a bad poem, I knew, but that's truly what it felt like. My mind didn't want to go anywhere near Maka right then, but my body did, and maybe now that it knew it couldn't kill Maka, it wanted something else in its place...

My body moved of its own accord then, and I came to realize, as I made a very dangerous descent, that this assumption had been wrong. For the past several days, I had felt my body crave Maka's soul desperately. I had wanted to kill my technician, _just_ my technician, no other, and take her soul. I had spent days desiring her soul, this strange and foreign hunger consuming my senses, but like a dense fog over a city, this senselessness lifted to show me the truth of what it was my body, what I had really been wanting.

Perhaps it was because I was a demon weapon, and because I was capable of consuming the souls of other living creatures, and had done so several times before, that this strange neediness for Maka had been presented in such an animalistic and morbid way. My body hadn't known how to handle the feeling I'd been struck with, and instead of reacting properly, it had translated it into nightmares and daily fevers.

I wanted Maka. Not her soul, not her life. Just... Maka.

With an underwhelming sense of frailty, my body feeling stronger than it had in days now that I was letting it back into control of me, and so tentative at the same time due to the risk I was taking, I kissed Maka, pushing her to lay back down on the bed.

This could be seen as a bizarre move, I knew, as she had never been anything more than my meister and best friend, but it all felt so right this way, too. Had we ever been close enough that this could be allowed? Friends didn't do this... But I guess people who love each other don't just stay friends, do they? Well, we'd have to, I was sure. Because anything past "friends" required a reciprocation, and that didn't seem to be happening. I... I think I loved her. But as for Maka's feelings... That was something I just couldn't read in her soul.

The move of breaking the kiss seemed just as dangerous as the act of kissing her was, but I had to do it. When I pulled away, I refused to allow myself to be as weak as I had already shown myself to be, and bravely stared her right in the eyes. She didn't look upset, but she didn't look happy either. I didn't want to say it was indifference, because that would be such a kick in the balls to me, but I didn't really know what else to call the emotion playing on her face right then.

I found some dark humor as a thought crossed my mind: Perhaps after this whole mess was through, after I'd confessed to a mistaken need to kill her, that she would now want to kill me for pulling such a dick move.

I honestly couldn't believe my body had overreacted in such a way. The beastly need to kill masked my rampant hormones. It was like some terrible sci-fi high school sitcom.

With very little peace of mind over the whole matter, I moved myself off of the bed, intending to leave the room. I stopped for a moment to stare down at Maka, waiting to see what kind of reaction she would give. There was none. She simply lay there, obviously quite unsure of what to do next. I contemplated helping her up, but for obvious reasons, I was pretty sure she didn't want me to touch her. So I let the thought go and simply turned to leave the room.

"Soul..."

Her gentle voice stopped me, though I genuinely considered ignoring her and holing myself back up into my room, as she had previously referred.

"I'm not mad, if that's what you're thinking."

I could hear her lift herself from the bed, though I didn't look to see if she was standing. I didn't think I had the heart to look at her anymore that night. Even if she wasn't mad at me, it seemed inappropriate to be anywhere near her.

"I just don't think I understand what you were saying..."

Yeah, right. More like she didn't _want_ to understand. What a way of getting shot down...

"If... If by wanting me you mean that... that you want-"

"Forget it, Maka." I finally managed to bring myself to look at her, though I couldn't read her expression as much as I had wanted to. "Everything I've done for the past several days has been extremely damaging to our partnership, and believe me, I wish there was a way I could take it all back, that I could somehow have avoided this whole mess. I didn't mean to make everything so terrible, and I certainly didn't mean to hurt you as much as I have." I refused to break eye contact with her. I'd been insanely insincere these past few days. The last thing she needed was an weak apology from me. "I'm sorry, Maka. I'm truly sorry. All the urges I've felt to do... anything to you should stop now, and I promise not to hurt you anymore. I also promise not to speak of anything that happened tonight ever again." It was the best I could do as far as an apology went, so I bowed my head in shame and continued out of the room, leaving Maka to call after me.

I ended up closing my bedroom door and crawling into bed, knowing I would be unable to sleep but hellbent on trying. Worries of the nightmares still plagued me, but I was relatively sure I wouldn't be suffering from those dreams anymore. My stomach had already untwisted itself from the knot it had been in for the past several days, though the pit of me still hungered for something. Deep down, I still wanted Maka, and no amount of lovestruck-teenage kisses would satisfy it. It was shameful to conjure in my thoughts, but I really... really wanted Maka. I wanted to have Maka.

Oh, the irrationality of an adolescent sex drive. The rest of this night would be painful indeed. I was ready to settle into my pillow to hopefully close out my perverted thoughts, but a knock from my door stopped my attempts and I debated answering my caller.

"Soul..." my partner called after I didn't answer. "I... I won't force you to talk about this if you don't want to... I know you've been under a lot of stress this whole time, so it won't do any good to hurt you further..."

_'Dammit, Maka, you're making it sound like you're the one who hurt me...'_

"I'm sorry you've had to suffer so much," her voice continued through the door. "I wish... I wish I could give you want it is you want, whatever it may be... but..."

"Maka," I whispered, mostly to myself. "Stop..."

I wasn't sure whether or not she heard me, but her words did falter. After a moment, she continued. "We've been partners for a while now, and I thought we'd reached a place in our partnership... our friendship... that we'd both be happy at. But... if there's somewhere else in this relationship of ours that we need to go, that will make you happy-"

"I am happy, Maka," I spoke just above a whisper, my voice cracking in my struggle to form the right words in my throat. "We're good where we are. We don't need to push it." I took a moment to run the words I had just spoken through my mind a few times to make sure it was absolutely what I had wanted to say. Was I happy with where we were? Was I really? I couldn't tell anymore, between my rampant hormones, my willpower to keep Maka content, and the taste of blood in my mouth.

"Then... what?" She responded quietly yet sternly. "Nothing tonight happened? You just want to pretend you didn't say or do anything?"

"Exactly." My voice was so low, I honestly wasn't even sure she could actually hear me, and I had to wonder if she was just predicting my responses.

There was a long pause where neither of us spoke, and I sincerely hoped she had taken my word for it and left for bed, truly pretending that this whole incident had never come about. But I was wrong; a moment later, the door opened, and I can't, to this day, explain why I was shocked at the idea of her doing this. Why did she want to pursue this? Was this supposed to be my punishment in return for hurting her? Well, I couldn't say I blamed her. I kind of wished that she'd kick me in the gut or something. I really felt like I deserved it. What kind of man hid under the sheets to get away from a girl after such a half-assed love confession? A man wouldn't do that. A boy would, a child. I was pathetically awkward about this whole thing. I hated it.

I was turned away from her, so I couldn't see her approaching my bed, and I'm not sure why I pretended to be asleep when it would be clear to anyone that I wasn't, but I stayed huddled under the bedspread, too much of a wuss to face her. And then, in what seemed to be another moment in the long night of unexpected moves, I felt the side of the sheets lift and the mattress give way beside me. I strongly resisted the urge to turn over as Maka slid into bed beside me. I had to say, this was a first, and I was pretty certain it'd be the only time. Sometimes Maka's soft heart was just too... soft for her own good. Didn't she know this was unsafe, laying down in a bed with the guy who'd just tried to chew her arm off?

She was still for a long moment before she cautiously slid closer to me, pressing her hands to my back, and then resting her forehead against the back of my neck. She didn't say anything, which was appreciated but unexpected. Instead, she just lay there, resting against me as if she somehow couldn't believe I actually existed. I wanted to turn and pull her into my arms, but I was pretty certain she wouldn't allow something so forward, so I just stayed still, feeling her soft breath against the back of my neck where my shirt didn't reach, and paying careful attention to how her pulse beat ever-so-slightly against the bed, shaking it with each thump. Or perhaps that was my own heartbeat? I was, after all, morbidly embarrassed by this whole night. It would make sense if my heart was beating much harder than normal.

We were both quiet for a long time, and several times I resisted the urge to say something to her, but eventually she beat me to it. I could hear her lips part a few times, and I could tell she was readying herself to say something, or perhaps trying to line up the words in her head before she blurted out anything she didn't mean to.

"Do..." she hesitated, took a breath, then continued. "Do you remember the soul synchronicity class we took this year?"

It felt like my voice was stuck in my chest, but I managed to choke out a "Yeah".

"The teacher said... that a meister and a weapon can only work well together if their souls are on the same wavelengths, both physically and emotionally. If one soul is too upset, then it just becomes chaotic from there on out."

"We knew that before we ever went to that class," I half-whispered. "That's Weapon-Technician one-oh-one."

"She also said that it's always in the best interest of the pair that both teammates reach an understanding when something obstructs their souls' wavelengths from coinciding."

I didn't respond to that, knowing full well what she meant.

"We've..." I heard her swallow, and I could feel her hand shake against my back. I doubted she was scared, but probably just nervous. "We've had problems these past few days, and we've drifted apart. We're in trouble and this needs to be fixed or... or we can't work together anymore. But..." Then I felt her fists clench. "I won't force you to ignore everything that happened for the sake of our partnership, not if it's going to torture you like it has been this whole time. You were in pain, and I realize this now, and... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

"Maka, don't apologize," I said quietly.

"You've been suffering, Soul, and I won't allow that anymore. So if we need to... take a break... or something..."

I had to stop her. She was taking it too far (as if I hadn't done that enough already). Without any warning, I reached my hand behind me and grabbed her wrist, then yanked her arm around so her hand rested against my chest. Holding tight to her arm, I remained still, closing my eyes and soaking in the moment of having her so near and so unguarded. She was silent and motionless as well, though I think it was more because of shock.

I could feel her breath more clearly, and the pulse in her veins beating strong against my own skin. I found that my heartbeat matched hers, and I purposely paced my breath to time with her breathing. This felt more strongly than when she had her hold on me during a battle. It felt like our souls were back in sync, just like in a battle.

"This is good enough, isn't it?" I asked in a hushed tone, worried that my voice would disturb our bodies' timing. "We're in sync. Everything matches just fine. Isn't that good enough?" When she didn't answer, I slid my hand up to curl around hers, lacing my fingers between hers. "We're supposed to match physically and emotionally, right? I can feel your heartbeat, and mine matches yours. As for what your heart wants, I think it's been made clear tonight that it doesn't match what mine wants."

"Soul..."

"But that's not doing anything to hurt me." I opened my eyes, though I couldn't see her, or much of anything for that matter, for how dark it was. I knew she was staring at me; I could feel her gaze burning into my skin. "I don't like you any less for not sharing my feelings, and I'm certainly not going to complain about it, not after what I did to you. We've reached an understanding, and I'm fine with that. Just so long as what I want doesn't hurt you or make you unhappy with me, we should be okay. So like I said," and finally, I turned to look at her, resting on my back with her arm still curled around me. I met her eyes full on, no longer afraid to see her reaction. "Isn't that good enough?"

I wasn't sure what reaction I was expecting, but whatever it was didn't matter, because the reaction I received from Maka was more than enough. It took her a moment, but she finally, _finally_ smiled at me. It was a genuine smile, one that reached her eyes, and it made me smile back. I can't say I've ever been fond of sappy moments like these, but I think I could let this one go without complaints.

Maka let a breath she seemed to have been holding and closed her eyes, resting her head on my shoulder and tightening her grip on me in what I can only assume was a half-hug. It felt a little awkward; she'd never hugged me before, but I was content with that, and rubbed her arm affectionately. I was pretty sure this was the farthest we would ever get in our relationship, and to be honest, after all the crap that had happened that night and over the past few days, I was okay with that. No one was getting hurt anymore, and I certainly wouldn't be suffering over it. We'd reached an agreement with our problems, and our souls no longer collided with each other as they had before. We were content with each other again, and most importantly, no one had to die for it. With great relief, and a weary ease in my bones, I settled in for sleep, aware that this would probably be the only night I could sleep with Maka in the same bed, and relaxed knowing there'd be no more nightmares to haunt my conscience.

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><p>Ze end.<p>

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><p>AN: Kinda dragged at the end... Sorry. I tried hard not to let it. Honestly, I wasn't really sure where the story would go after the confrontation. I think originally I had planned for Soul to hallucinate that he'd killed Maka and for the ending to be very indiscernible between reality and dreams, but... I wanted something fluffy. Sorry.<p>

As a final note, I'd like to make it clear that the Black Blood had nothing to do with this story and Soul's situation. Though it did take place after Soul received his injury that gave him the Black Blood, the dreams he had in this story were not related to that incident. It's all messed up puberty on his part.

For the love of all that is sweet and sour, review!


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